The Amityville Curse (1989)

"Be careful, this place bites."  - Debbie

Five people move into an old house that might be haunted, and something scary might happen.
Starring: Kim Coates, Dawna Wightman, Cassandra Gava, Helen Hughes

Link to IMDB

There's a lot of movies in the Amityville series, and the first one is pretty much the only good one. But which is the worst? Rumours say this one, so I had to watch it...

We begin right away by seeing a priest being murdered in the wooden confessional booth of his church. Afterwards, the confessional is moved out and stored in the basement of a nearby house. Twelve years later, the old house (which looks nothing like the iconic house in all the other movies) is up for sale, and five friends decide to buy it and renovate it. Nothing happens for a while, as they just settle into the house and sit around insulting each other. The only "spooky" things are rats, a stray cat, and bad plumbing. After 30 minutes of these insufferable idiots, we finally see that the old confessional in the basement is haunted by a moaning spirit... Which proceeds to do nothing...



Instead of ghosts or monsters, more stray animals stop by to harass them as they work on the renovations. None of the characters are interesting and I was hoping they'd all start dying soon. The only person remotely intriguing is Frank (Kim Coates) as he's constantly brooding like a weirdo. All the locals they meet warn them of ghosts, so they begin to suspect supernatural forces are in the house.

Let me out of this movie !

Frank takes a break from
brooding to sulk

The story tries to get a bit spookier near the end as the tension rises, but the incompetence of the movie just doesn't let it work as intended. This was actually amusing, and it revived my attention. The ending pulls off some slightly crazy stuff, as the spirit takes control over one of the characters and they go on a rampage, but it feels like the plot hated itself and just wanted to end without worrying about making sense.
As a haunted house movie, it fails. As a movie about stupid people, it succeeds.

Be sure not to miss:
- Frank is always smoking (at least 12 cigarettes are seen) but is it a clue or a red herring? I really don't know.
- Marvin wears a handful of sweaters at once.
- Most of the score is soothing and reminds me of a Disney cartoon. Definitely kills the mood.
- Rats enough!

Internet review:
"It starts, nothing sensible happens, then it stops." - uds3

Should I watch it?
It's a fun type of dumb, but very forgettable.

Where can I find it?
On YouTube

The Amityville Curse gets...