Escape from the Bronx (1983)

"There's more ways to die down here than in a Bruce Lee movie." - Strike

aka: Bronx Warriors II
aka: Escape 2000
Survivors defend their ruined city from corporate extermination squads.
Starring: Mark Gregory, Henry Silva, Giancarlo Prete, Valerie D'Obici

Link to IMDB

Like I said, 1990: The Bronx Warriors was so good that I watched the sequel the same night.

After the dust settled from the gang wars of the first movie, the few remaining people in the Bronx are trying to make a life for themselves in the rubble. Now, the evil GC Corporation is planning to demolish the entire district so that they can use the land for themselves. Squads of GC soldiers are violently evicting anyone they find, but there's one specific outlaw that has been eluding them: our hero, Trash!

Many of the Bronx denizens are now hiding underground, where a man named Dablone has built a haven for everyone to live. It's a safe location with a large stockpile of food, supplies and guns. Lots of guns.
When Trash's parents get "evicted" into a fiery grave, Trash snaps and starts fighting back against the squads. The soldier in charge of cleaning-out the Bronx is Wrangler, a vicious corporate goon that now has his mind set on killing Trash before he can inspire a revolt.

Strike                                            Moon Grey                                      Dablone                                   Wrangler

When Trash rescues an eager reporter, Moon Grey, who is also fighting against the fascist corporation, they devise a plan to kidnap the GC president and use him as a bargaining chip to protect the Bronx. With help from a mercenary named Strike their plan might even work, but Wrangler's determination and rage has grown and he's bringing an army with him to the Bronx!

Clark: "You're worse than they are, Wrangler."

Wrangler: "Allow me to correct you, Mr. Clark... I'm worse than anyone."

The squads move in

This is a great example of a sequel that surpasses the original. We get more action, more violence, and a more compelling plot. Almost every aspect of production has been improved or expanded on, and even the actors seem to be taking it a bit more serious.
Once again it's more of an ensemble story instead of Trash being the only hero, as the plot focuses on the community of underdogs fighting against the injustice of losing their homes.

It's a simple trashy movie, yet very effective and will have you cheering. Escape from the Bronx quickly became one of my favourite Italian action-exploitation movies.

Be sure not to miss:
- "No sugar, you idiot! It makes me CRAZY!!!"
- Apparently, there are over 170 deaths. I didn't count, but that seems accurate!
- Trash's dad is played by Romano Puppo. A mainstay in Italian B-movies that has been seen around here a few times.

Roommate review:
"This is twice as good as half the Batman movies." - Mr. Adam Kamis

Should I watch it?
Recommended. It makes a great double-feature with the first movie.

Where can I find it?
There's one link here.

Escape from the Bronx gets...

1990: The Bronx Warriors (1982)

"The Bronx is no man's land, where the worst things happen by themselves." - Trash

Vicious gangs wage war in the ruined future of New York.
Starring: Mark Gregory, Vic Morrow, Stefania Girolami, Fred Williamson, Joshua Sinclair

Link to IMDB

Trash

In the near future of 1990, the crime in the Bronx has become so intense that the authorities have given up trying to control it, and the entire district has been abandoned as a war zone for vicious street gangs to fight over.

Oddly enough, we see a young wealthy lady sneaking her way into the Bronx; she's the daughter of the president at the Manhattan Corporation but she's sick of her suffocating rich life. Her name is Ann and she's soon assaulted by thugs, but Trash comes to her rescue.

Trash is the leader of the motorcycle gang called The Riders, and while some gangs are full of mindless killers, the Riders and the Tigers are more concerned with just surviving. These two gangs have a fragile peace treaty between them, and Trash meets with the Tiger's leader, Ogre, to discuss the threat of undercover police infiltrating the gangs. Tensions and paranoia are high, with the threat of violence everywhere.

"Hold me, Trash." - Ann

It seems like the gangs have reason to worry, because the Mahnattan Corporation have sent in a soldier to find Ann and bring her home. This man is Hammer, a cold-blooded officer that is trained to kill anyone in his way.
Gunfights, chases and intrigue are delivered, as Hammer maneuvers the gangs against each other. With help from a mysterious man named Hot Dog, Hammer even has ways to gain the trust of Trash's right hand man, Ice. (These nicknames are just awesome.)

When Ann gets kidnapped by the crazy Vampire gang, Trash is unsure of who he can trust. He goes to Ogre for one last attempt at peace so he can rescue Ann, but they have bigger problems coming as an entire army of police are preparing to launch an assault on the Bronx.

Ann                                               Ice                                               Ogre                                                  Hammer

The plot is both simple and yet dense at the same time, because there are many characters in motion. Trash might be the hero but it's really an ensemble story, not told from any one perspective. Some things are a bit sloppy, but it always remains interesting and fun. As the intensity slowly builds, the violence and action gets more and more prevalent, and the showdown with the police leads to a rather shocking finale.

"I don't care about anything. I believe in nothing. I'm Hammer, the exterminator!" - Hammer

Police attack !

It's shamelessly ripping-off aspects of The Warriors and Escape from New York, but that's often what Italian exploitation does best. The mix of gritty atmosphere with psychedelic music showcases just how much style and creativity is here to keep it fresh amongst all the chaos.
It may not be a great movie, but damn, it is a very satisfying one.

Be sure not to miss:
- The drummer. The scene just happens around him and he provides the music. It's so random.
- George Eastman is the leader of the Vampire gang.
- "You got your grey matter in your butt."
- Spreading those ashes in the river didn't quite go as planned. Too windy!

Internet review:
"Could you ever go back to watching mainstream movies after laying your eyes on the magnitude of The Bronx Warriors? No, I don't think so." - Renman

Should I watch it?
Yes. I enjoyed it so much, I immediately watched the sequel.

Where can I find it?
Here on YouTube.

The Bronx Warriors get...

Trancers 5: Sudden Deth (1994)

"If this is unrelenting terror, I can't wait for total panic." - Jack

Jack Deth must finish his mission to stop the trans-dimensional trancers.
Starring: Tim Thomerson, Ty Miller, Stacie Randall, Clabe Hartley, Terri Ivens

Link to IMDB

Starting right where part 4 left off, Jack and The Tunnel Rat resistance fighters have won a victory over the cruel trancer lords. Their leader, Caliban, has been disposed of for the time being, but Jack predicts he will return to get revenge at any moment. The rest of the trancers now live in hiding, tending to their battle wounds.
Jack is getting restless, being trapped in this backwater dimension with no way to get home. Prospero, Caliban's son that rejects the evil trancer lifestyle, offers to help Jack by telling him of a legendary relic called a "tiamond" that allows a person to travel through dimensions. It sounds like a way home for Jack, but there's one problem, the tiamond is hidden in The Castle of Unrelenting Terror!!

Jack and Prospero

Fearless as ever, Jack goes on an adventure to this spooky castle. Prospero comes along as his guide, and even though Jack has trouble trusting a trancer they slowly gain a mutual respect when they realize they have much to learn from each other.
Meanwhile, Caliban has indeed returned from his temporary exile, and he begins plotting how he can get rid of Jack and reclaim his power over the land.

Caliban                                                                   Lyra

Much of the movie is Jack's journey through the Castle of Terror, as he and Prospero encounter dangerous illusions, zombies and even a wild hobo. The fantasy aspects are the main focus, but they actually work better here than in the last movie.
As expected, Caliban and his army of trancers prepare for battle with The Tunnel Rats. Lyra, who has been Jack's on-and-off romance through part 4 and 5, is also growing in power as she embraces her destiny to lead The Rats to victory.

Lyra: "Sexually, you're like a wild animal, whom no living man can equal."

Jack: "Well... yeah."

Overall, this feels even less like a traditional Trancer movie than part 4 did, but the plot is much more cohesive and direct. Once again, it's Jack Deth himself that we watch these movies for, and thankfully we get a lot of time with him. There are even some serious moments as Jack ruminates on life and what it means to be a hero. It was a nice subtle reminder of all that we've seen him go through over the years.

Jack and The Tunnel Rats

Even if Trancers 4 and 5 are not exactly what the fans wanted in comparison to the original movies, they are still fun adventures with a classic hero that is reliably entertaining.
Sure, the series had an identity crises and Jack Deth's conclusion may not be perfect, but the stories never lost sight of the infamous character that Tim Thomerson brilliantly brought to life.

Be sure not to miss:
- Jack looks a bit unsure about riding that horse.
- Time + diamond = tiamond... Now there's a stroke of genius.

Internet review:
"It’s one of the funnest entries in the series." - silverWill

Should I watch it?
If you've come this far with Jack, you gotta see the end of his journey.

Where can I find it?
The gorillavid link here. (It's labelled as Trancers 4, but it is part 5.)

Trancers 5 gets...

Blood Shack (1971)

"The Chooper will get you!" - Daniel

A young women inherits a ranch with a haunted shack.
Starring: Carolyn Brandt, Jason Wayne, Ron Haydock, all of the rodeo horses

Link to IMDB

Daniel

Somewhere in the middle of the Arizona desert there is a shack with a bad reputation. For the last 150 years local legends have warned people to stay away from this "blood shack," because anyone that spends time inside will be killed by a ghost called The Chooper! (It honestly is chooper not chopper.)

A man named Daniel is the caretaker of the property and he's always busy trying to keep curious folk away and the local kids safe, but the occasional person is still able to get into the shack, where they are promptly murdered by a masked man in black pyjamas that appears from nowhere!



Carol arrives on the scene after inheriting the ranch where the shack is situated, and she unexpectedly wants to keep the old family property for herself. She is often pestered by a local guy named Tim who is desperately trying to buy the land for his own cattle, but Carol feels a connection to the land despite the spooky shack attacks.
And then everyone goes to the rodeo. Twice.

Tim                                                                             Carol

Blood Shack is only 55 minutes long (and 15 of those are just rodeo filler,) and this merciful brevity is what keeps it entertaining, because if it was longer it might become unbearable.
It's barely even a movie in the traditional sense, instead feeling more like a collection of scenes stringed together to trick you into thinking there's a plot. I'm willing to bet there wasn't a script for the wonky dialog, especially since most of the story is told with a monotone narration of Carol's thoughts.

"Peanuts, that's what they named the pony." - Carol, narrating the rodeo

Chooper's gonna choop

We do get a resolution to the land dispute between Carol and Tim, and you better believe that The Chooper will also have an opinion on the matter! There's actually a twist at the end, and although it's not surprising it had me laughing that they even attempted to explain things.

With a very bizarre, almost cartoonish home-made presentation, it defies classification into any genre except for the "What-the-heck-am-I-watching" genre. This keeps it fun and oddly charming, and it's easy to find laughs at the amateur attempt at making a movie with nothing more than a handful of dollars and an old shack... and tickets to the rodeo.

Be sure not to miss:
- Texas sized biscuits sound good. Tim agrees.
- Don't give a monologue to a 5 year old child that has never acted before.
- A 70 minute version also exists, which adds nothing except even more rodeo filler!

Internet review:
"This movie gave me cancer." - Buffalo Terrance Bill

Should I watch it?
Yes, although I do realize this means I can't realistically expect anyone to ever take my advice again.

Where can I find it?
Here on YouTube.

Blood Shack gets...

Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama (1988)

"God damn that fucking imp!" - Janitor

Teenagers are trapped in the mall with a goofy imp monster.
Starring: Andras Jones, Linnea Quigley, Robin Stille, Michelle Bauer, Brinke Stevens

Link to IMDB

Calvin, Jimmy and Keith are typical college nerds looking for some excitement, so when they hear about the sorority initiations happening on campus they sneak over to peep on the girls. Babs Peterson is the catty leader of the sorority, and she and her two sidekicks enjoy spanking and humiliating the new girls. This makes excellent peeping for the guys, but Babs catches them in the act!
As punishment, she forces the boys to go steal an old trophy from the bowling alley at the mall. Taffy and Lisa, two sorority sisters-to-be, are also sent along as part of their initiation.

The gang, lost in the dark

It's the middle of the night, so the kids break into the mall and start wandering around in the shadows, while Babs and her crew secretly tag along to watch the nerds for fun. Calvin meets a bad-ass punk girl named Spider who was casually robbing the place, and she joins them at the bowling alley where they find the trophy.
Well, the trophy busts open and a little imp monster crawls out!! What the heck!?

Babs                                                                 Spider

The imp pretends to be their buddy at first, but he's actually an evil trickster that plans to kill them all. Since the imp is just an awkward little puppet that can't do anything except sit and talk, he turns Babs and her two friends into zombies so they can do all the killing!
Wait a second, am I making this sound fun? Because it sure as shit isn't! A few kids get killed off but it's incredibly lame stuff and it usually happens off camera.

"It's too bad we had to kill her. I really liked the outfit she had on." - Spider

The Imp

Calvin and Spider become the main focus, but they just run around in complete darkness for an hour... Holy crap, this movie is so poorly lit that you can't see most of it. Not that much is really happening anyways.

They get help from an old janitor that is trapped in the mall with them. He knows all about the origins of the imp, so with his assistance the teens might be able to stop the naughty little bugger and see the light of day once again.

The movie does have a few good things going for it; Spider is a likeable anti-hero, the wacky janitor is fun, and the very goofy looking imp puppet is just bonkers.
The whole teen exploitation romp they were aiming for never amounts to much, so despite the good performances and an enjoyably cheesy style, it's mostly pretty dull.


Be sure not to miss:
- The imp has a deep, soulful voice and he also happens to be a purple lump: I couldn't help but think of him as a California Raisin gone mad.
- The janitor is played by the always great George 'Buck' Flower.
- The Theme Song did get stuck in my head. Not surprisingly, most of the lyrics are simply, "Here in the darkness."

Internet review:
"Think of a Long Island Ice Tea but without the rum or the gin." - Arrow

Should I watch it?
Meh, not really.

Where can I find it?
Veehd or veoh links here.

 Slimeball Bowl-o-Rama gets...

Howling II: Your Sister is a Werewolf (1985)

Jenny: "That dwarf is staring at us. Should we follow him?
Ben: "Why not?"

aka: Howling II: Stirba Werewolf Bitch
aka: The Howling 2
A young couple battle the evil forces of werewolves.
Starring: Christopher Lee, Annie McEnroe, Reb Brown, Sybil Danning

Link to IMDB

The Howling is a decent little horror flick, but this sequel is a beast of an entirely different nature. It's only loosely connected to the first one, so newcomers can jump right in.

Ben White and his friend Jenny are attending the funeral of Ben's sister. (She was a werewolf in the first movie, but was shot with silver bullets.) A mysterious man named Stefan Crosscoe is also in attendance, he's an occult investigator trying to warn Ben that his sister was a werewolf and her body needs to be destroyed. Ben doesn't believe in all this supernatural nonsense, and he rejects Stefan's help.

Ben                                                                 Jenny

It turns out that werewolves are definitely real, and we see how these murderous beasts secretly live among us like a gang of criminals. Stefan eventually explains the truth of the matter to Ben and Jenny, but they're still reluctant to believe until they get attacked by a pack of werewolves, and then they realize that all this wolf lunacy is true!
Stefan's life mission is to stop Stirba, Queen of the Werewolves, before she performs a ritual that will bring great power to all her kin. Now that Jenny and Ben have witnessed the beasts first-hand, they are eager to help, and so the trio head to Transylvania to find and kill Stirba.

"When the varmints start knocking-off the chickens, we start knocking-off the varmints." - Ben

Stefan Crosscoe

What begins as a straightforward, albeit melodramatically ridiculous story soon gets more bizarre when they arrive in Europe. The werewolves have a big castle where they do their unusual occult stuff, and sexy Stirba likes to throw dance parties and orgies. One of the weirdest things I've ever watched is the werewolf threesome. Yes, that exists!

Ben and Jenny find lodgings in a nearby village, while Stefan consults with some of the local puppeteers that want to help. (Yes, you read that right.) Our heroes try to keep a low profile while they plan their attack on the castle, but they soon find themselves surrounded by danger. Violence and craziness ensues as Stirba unleashes her army of werewolves!
With Stefan's arsenal of holy weapons and blessed shotguns, they'll attempt to kill the mystical wolf-queen before she has the power to mark her territory all over the world.

What this movie was trying to do is a question for the ages. It evolves into something like a supernatural erotica experiment gone wrong. Sprinkled through-out are many bizarre moments that create an almost surreal mood because of how wonderfully random they come across. If this humour was intentional or not is anyone's guess, but it appears in many scenes.

Stirba on her throne

Always a professional, Christopher Lee commits to the movie and gives a great performance despite the silliness surrounding him. I don't want to give the impression that this is a comedy, because it's mostly delivered seriously; but there's no denying the intangible, unexplainable weirdness here that is hilarious.

Most of the special effects and blood is saved for the third act, but what we do get is good quality and often intense. The wolf make-up is wildly inconsistent but acceptable enough for its time.
If you're in the mood for an energetic, strange and silly horror adventure, then this is perfect for you.

Be sure not to miss:
- Christopher Lee's "punk" disguise at the bar. OMG.
- "I lost my ear pluuuuuggsss!!"
- 17: The number of times Sybil Danning whips out her breasts during the end credit music video.
- The live band was a brief side project of Stephen W. Parsons.
- This is likely the only movie with a zombie dwarf assassin clown.

Internet review:
"If there was ever a must-own for fans of cheesy horror, this could be it." - gavin6942

Should I watch it?
Recommended.

Where can I find it?
Here on YouTube.

Howling 2 gets... (sure, why not)

Trancers 4: Jack of Swords (1994)

"Next mission? Fuck that, I need some time off." - Jack

A "time cop" travels to a different dimension to stop the evil trancers.
Starring: Tim Thomerson, Ty Miller, Stacie Randall, Clabe Hartley, Mark Arnold

Link to IMDB

After loving the original Trancer trilogy, it's finally time to see the next in the series.

Jack Deth is still the charming, gruff bad-ass that we've come to love, and he's still working from the year 2353 as a time traveling cop to protect Earth from the threat of powerful psychic-vampires called trancers.

Equipped with some fancy new gadgets Jack leaves on his next mission, but the time machine malfunctions and he crash lands into a parallel dimension that resembles our medieval Earth. He quickly realizes he's lost, and also discovers that he's stranded in the middle of a major trancer problem.

In this dimension the trancers rule the land like evil nobles, feeding on the energy of the lower class peasants that live as their slaves. Caliban is the wicked leader of the trancers, and he sends his men to capture the stranger that has appeared. Jack's gun is ineffective in this dimension, so it's not long before he gets taken prisoner to Caliban's castle.

Caliban

Not all the humans are resigned to being trancer slaves, as there's a resistance group of warriors called The Tunnel Rats that are always ready to fight back. The Rats have a prophecy that one day a man will come lead them to victory, and since Jack seems to be this foretold man they prepare to rescue him from the castle.
Jack gets help from these resistance fighters, a mysterious woman named Lyra, and even Caliban's own rebellious son. Can our grumpy anti-hero find a way to fulfill the prophecy even though he doesn't believe in all this mystical mumbo-jumbo?

Like most fantasy settings it focuses on a tyrant oppressing the common folk, so there's nothing exactly new here, but it mostly still works as a fun Robin Hood-style adventure. It's not as endearing as the sci-fi noir tone of the original trilogy, but seeing Jack completely out of his element always provides some laughs.

Caliban: "You will not lift a finger to avert your death?"

Jack: "I got your lifted finger right here, pal."

Lyra, and the Tunnel Rats

The movie is fast and short yet it still finds time to squeeze in some dull scenes, often of clunky exposition. The script does have some clever moments and Jack's dialog is as memorable and witty as expected, so that helps it feel like a Trancer movie even though it has an entirely new story line and setting.

It's all unabashedly cheesy, the plot is dirt simple, and there's little connection to the first three movies, but Tim Thomerson holds it all together despite the flaws, and seeing him in that dirty grey trenchcoat again truly made my day.

Be sure not to miss:
- The movie ends with a cliffhanger, but Trancers 5 was filmed at the same time, so I'll be covering that soon.
- Oberon is clearly a fan of The Wizard of Oz.
- The fate of Shark, the android sidekick from the third movie.

Internet review:
"Completely unnecessary but nowhere near as bad as I feared." - anotherfilmnerd

Should I watch it?
Of course, it's Jack Deth!

Where can I find it?
Here on YouTube.

Trancers 4 gets...

Interface (1985)

"Why would anyone want to jam my signal?" - Hopson

A college professor gets tangled-up in a hacking conspiracy.
Starring: John S. Davies, Lauren Lane, Matthew Sacks, Michael Hendrix

Link to IMDB

Prof. Hopson

Professor Rex Hopson teaches computer science at a community college; he's a bit of a nerd and a bore as he continually puts his students to sleep, but his life is soon to become much more interesting...

A group of students at the college are running small time hacking scams to make some extra money, but things gets weird when we learn the extent of their master plan. They have a secret computer cult where they wear masks, speak like robots and worship a super-computer called The Master Processor. (And yes, this is as silly as it sounds.)
At secret meetings they debate how to use their hacking skills to rid the city of criminals, and with the super-computer's help they decide to start killing off drug dealers and other degenerates.

When one of Hopson's colleagues mysteriously dies, he starts getting harassed by a detective and the young widow of the man. They're looking for information about the hackers, but Hopson's completely clueless as to what's going on.

Amy

The widow is Amy, she's a determined and vivacious lady that convinces Hopson the hackers are a real threat. Now on the run from a masked gunner, they begin putting the clues together to solve the death of Amy's husband and expose the dangerous computer cult before anymore people get killed.

What starts as a weird "hacker vigilante" premise soon becomes a comedic thriller as the unlikely duo of Hopson and Amy continually fumble their way in and out of danger. Despite their constant arguing there's also some humorous romance between the two, and the actors are both quite likeable. Hopson is really having the worst day of his life, and the situational comedy keeps a consistent rate of laughs coming.

"I don't need a tutor, I need a computer." - Paul

Hackers in disguise

It almost has a film school quality to it with its small budget and inexperienced actors, but everyone involved is clearly having a lot of fun. Even though the plot gets pretty bonkers, it's easy to follow and remains engaging. This is a great example of what amateur filmmaking is all about, because what they lack in skill they make up for with their passion to tell a crazy story and deliver a good time.

Be sure not to miss:
- You can't simply hack your way out of the Columbia Record Club and not expect to be killed.
- Amy's exit from Hopson's office.
- The goose lamp.
- Lou Diamond Phillps has a small role at the start. (His first movie.)

Internet review:
"This is is a retro-gem of B-movie greatness." - Sternwise

Should I watch it?
Yes. Recommended.

Where can I find it?
Here on YouTube.

Interface gets...

Brides of Blood (1968)

"We didn't come here expecting to find laundromats." - Jim

Scientists discover mutants on a small island.
Starring: Kent Taylor, Beverly Powers, John Ashley, Mario Montenegro

Link to IMDB

Dr. Paul Henderson and his colleague Jim are arriving on Blood Island to study the effects that nearby atomic bomb tests might have had on the flora and fauna. Along for the ride is Paul's sassy wife, Carla, who is so bored that she flirts with every man she meets.
A small village of indigenous people greet them warmly, but the chief shamefully explains that his tribe has become troubled, resorting to some of their more superstitious and primitive ways. This might explain why they were dumping bodies into the sea, but the tribe keeps their problems a secret.
Paul soon discovers radiated land crabs and peculiar plant growth, but he needs more information to decide if the humans have been put at risk.

Jim,  Carla,  Paul

Esteban

The three Americans get an invitation to meet Esteban, a rich man that has a large mansion in the jungle, but he seems a bit suspicious of Paul's research.
The plot's been moving along at the pace of a wounded land crab so far, but things get more interesting when the plants of the jungle begin attacking the group with their vines and branches! It's low budget madness, but still rather effective at being weird and creepy.

Atomic radiation has indeed changed life on the island, and the trio discover the shocking magnitude of these mutations when they witness the local tribe sacrificing young women to a savage, mutant monster!
(A very derpy looking mutant monster, I might add.)



Jim and Paul want the villagers to fight back against the creature, but they're all convinced that the sacrifices are the best way to keep the increasingly violent trees from killing them. Esteban provides a plan to help, but he's also hiding some secrets about the island which gives the bonkers third act a nice twist... Meanwhile, Carla's off somewhere trying to get laid.

"The beast continues to wallow in an orgy of blood." - Jim

This movie can be incredibly dull at times, with many scenes consisting of Paul and Carla's marital woes, tea time with Esteban, and everyone wandering around the jungle. It's a mix of a 50's monster-movie and grindhouse horror, but it hasn't aged well and is just too slow to remain exciting. The outrageously wooden seriousness makes everyone seem like they're sedated on NyQuil, which is slightly entertaining in its own way.

Derp

There's also some very strange and awkward dialog here. It was clearly written by aliens whom only had a cursory knowledge of how humans talk.
Let's examine a sample here, as Carla and Paul watch the sun set...

Carla: "It's beautiful."
Paul: "I am puzzled by this statement. Today's sunset is breathtakingly beautiful, but otherwise it's quite normal."
Carla: "Like a mortuary light reflected from a corpse."

Umm, what? Wacky exchanges like that were continuously a highlight.

Be sure not to miss:
- The moth, and it's very not-special effects.
- Where did Esteban get all these little people?
- At the 51:10 mark, proof that Jim has clearly been using the Thigh Master.

Internet review:
"It's a shitty monster surrounded by shitty actors in a crappy movie and that all adds up to a wonderful experience." - Trombone James

Should I watch it?
I don't know, but I'm curious enough to delve deeper into this Filipino "Blood Island" series.

Where can I find it?
Here on YouTube.

Brides of Blood gets...

The Living Dead Girl (1982)

"I am dead... I am dead." - Catherine

A girl returns from the grave with a lust for blood.
Starring: Francoise Blanchard, Marina Pierro, Carina Barone, Mike Marshall

Link to IMDB

This is my first Jean Rollin film, a French auteur of low-budget surrealism, but now I'm definitely intrigued for more.

Catherine

Somewhere in the European countryside a group of men have been using an abandoned mine to store barrels of toxic waste. There they find a tunnel into an adjacent tomb, and decide to pry open the coffins do some grave robbing. When a cave-in knocks over some of the toxic barrels, spilling their slimy contents upon the coffin of a dead young woman, she is brought back to life and promptly kills the trespassing men by tearing out their eyeballs and throats with her bare hands!

Her name is Catherine, and despite being dead for two years she looks immaculate; although her mind is almost completely blank. She wanders around the forest, making her way to the mansion where she grew up as she tries to remember who she once was. When Catherine finds someone already living in her old home, she kills them too, feeding on their blood like a vampire.

Besides the opening scene, things get really slow. We spend a lot of time just watching the girl wander around in a daze.

Helene

Catherine's dear friend, Helene, arrives at the house when she suspects that Catherine has returned. She is shocked at Catherine's bizarre trance-like behaviour, but these two had a profound love that keeps them together.

Not only does Helene help Catherine learn to speak again and get some of her memories back, she also lures tourists and other travelers into the mansion, so that Catherine can feed on the living blood that she desperately craves.

An American couple named Greg and Barbara are visiting a nearby village, and when Barbara sees Catherine wandering in the distance she becomes obsessed with identifying this mysterious girl. Their curiosity will lead them into danger, of course.

"Help me... I am evil." - Catherine

This first half is so slow that it becomes a distraction. It takes forever just to set-up the four characters. When we're not pointlessly watching Greg and Barbara argue, there's a haunting, ethereal atmosphere that is enjoyably fitting, but it comes at the cost of dialog, plot and other such things that keep a story moving.

As Catherine's appetite grows, so does her realization at the monster she has become and it profoundly disturbs her. It disturbs the audience too, watching her suffer is hypnotically bizarre.
The gore is usually brief (although there is a massive amount of blood spillage,) because this is less of a horror movie and more of a gothic tragedy about the loss of innocence and how evil, love and death can be intertwined.

Barbara and Greg

The relationship of the girls becomes the main focus and it is fascinating; Helene does horrible things to pacify her friend's cravings, but Catherine simply longs for death to release herself from torment.
With a devastating climax that left me speechless, it was well worth sitting through the slow parts to see what becomes of these forlorn characters.

Be sure not to miss:
- Proof that you can rock-out with an accordion.

Internet review:
"This is poetry crossed with splatter, and it warms my heart and soul that it exists." - NinjaFred

Should I watch it?
It is worth seeing, but it's a slow one.

Where can I find it?
Use the veehd link here. (English subtitles.)

Living Dead Girl gets...