Death Journey (1976)

"I'm a Pisces, I'll do anything for money." - Crowder

A tough guy has to protect a witness while getting him across the country.
Starring: Fred Williamson, Bernard Kirby, Art Maier, Lou Bedford, Ed Kovins

Link to IMDB

A group of lawyers in L.A. have an important witness that they need to get to New York within 48 hours, but since he's in danger of being killed by the mafia they decide to hire someone to escort him.

They call Jesse Crowder, a badass ex-cop that now does the dirty jobs the police don't want to handle. The witness is a wimpy man named Finley, and his constant whining quickly annoys Crowder as the men head out on the highway.

Their journey becomes a non-stop chase, as dangerous thugs and assassins are always on their tail trying to kill Finley. With bullets flying everywhere, can Crowder do the impossible and get the man to New York on time!?

Finley

This movie is a pure mess from start to finish, but oh boy, it truly is hilarious at times. Instead of any real plot there's just the premise, and even that is confusing and haphazardly put together.
There's a fair amount of fast car action and gun fights going on, but it's all a brown blur of parking lots and dirty bus stations.
Crowder also finds time to stop and make love to some sexy babes along the way (of course,) which does nothing except add boobs to the chaos.

There's actually a surprising amount to laugh at here, and that's what won me over.  Most of the laughs come from Crowder and Finley being forced together, because Crowder just hates him. I wouldn't say it's "comedy" because that implies the actors knew what they were doing, instead I was laughing at how clueless everyone seems.

High speed dirt

Overall, this is a poorly executed attempt at a gritty action movie, and it seems to exist only to make Fred Williamson (who also directed) look cool. The entire thing just feels so clunky and amateurish that even the simplest of scenes look like total crap.
Death Journey is a pretty grimy nugget of cinema trash, but it does provide some brainless entertainment.

Be sure not to miss:
- The music is often the same five seconds of funky beats on repeat. It's stuck in my brain!
- "Happy landing, bitch."

Internet review:
"There's not a single second where you actually care about anything that is going on." - MikeE

Should I watch it?
Despite being hilariously bad, it's nothing too remarkable.

Where can I find it?
Here on YouTube.

Death Journey gets...