I am Here....Now (2009)

"If they fail, I will destroy this planet." - Jesus Breen

The creator of Earth returns to express his disappointment... and sleep with hookers.
Starring: Neil Breen, Elizabeth Sekora, Joy Senn, Maraud Ford

Link to IMDB

After being captivated by Double Down, I'll be covering all three of Neil Breen's movies along with some bonus stuff. I'm officially making it Neil Breen Appreciation Month!!

In Double Down, Neil Breen made himself the most powerful spy in the world, so how does one top that in their next film? Make yourself Jesus, of course!

Jesus Breen has arrived

The movie opens with a magical paperweight falling from the sky into the Nevada desert, and with it comes "The Being." Not known for subtlety, Breen lays the Jesus imagery on thick. He climbs down from a cross, displaying Christ's stigmata but also with circuit boards glued to his body... What the heck? Sometimes his face transforms into a zombie-alien mask, which I assume is his true form. Ummm... so there you have it, Jesus Breen is here and he's also an alien from the Matrix or something. Oh boy.
He wanders in the desert for awhile, talking about how disappointed he is with humankind. We have failed to live up to our potential, and are squandering the gifts he gave us. There's odd imagery out in the desert that the movie will keep returning to, like doll heads growing in the dirt, and it's hilarious despite being delivered with complete sincerity. Breen finds two drug addicts getting high, and he freezes them in time with a wave of his hand so that he can borrow their clothes and truck as he heads into Las Vegas.

The twins

The city folk are talking about the sustainability of solar and wind power, and how it could save the environment. Except the corrupt business men rather keep making millions from oil, so they're scheming to rig elections in their favour and suppress sustainable energy. The acting and dialog are super clumsy, but this creates plenty of laughs.
We meet a few characters, with a focus on twin sisters Cindy and Amber, as they struggle to find work in a crumbling economy. The girls know a gang of thugs that collaborate with the evil businessmen, and they decide to work for them as prostitutes. Awkward editing and no plot leaves us with a bunch of weird scenes in a row, but it establishes how bad things have become on Earth, with Jesus Breen occasionally expressing his disappointment of our species.

"It will take a power greater than ours to get rid of us." - Politician

It takes awhile, but the movie does pick up with more story. Jesus Breen wanders around the city doing nice things for good people and punishing the bad ones by making them cry blood. The gang members begin fighting among each other, getting the twins caught-up in drugs and violence, so it's time for Jesus Breen to intervene and deliver some divine justice to the wicked thugs and lawyers... But not before he has sex with one of the twins... What!?

The gang

The end is pure bewilderment. I have no idea if it is supposed to be really happening, or if it's all just a metaphor, but Jesus Breen gets Biblical in his attempt to correct our wrongdoings. It doesn't make total sense unless you view the entire movie as a morality play. I'm not sure if that was the intent, or if Neil Breen just wanted to act out another fantasy of taking down the bad guys and saving the world. Regardless, the movie is truly an enchanting enigma!

I don't know... But I like it

One again, Neil Breen has a message that will save humanity from destroying themselves. Despite having more abstract symbolism than his first movie, the message is delivered with a clumsy overabundance that he mostly avoided in Double Down.
Would "The Being" really pick the lack of renewable energy, instead of war and famine, as being humankind's biggest flaw? It's not that Breen's message isn't valid, but it's a rather dull idea to hook a movie on.
It requires some patience in the slow parts, and Breen doesn't have nearly as much screen time as he did in DD, but it's still consistently entertaining. Breen has once again blown my mind with the sheer originality of his guerrilla filmmaking and unique vision.

Be sure not to miss:
- One of the stock footage dolphins totally takes a dump!
- The guy on the bike falling over. "Wow. Wow. Wow."
- Everything about the guy in the wheelchair is beyond absurd. He's pretty great!
- Four periods in the ellipses, not three.

Internet review:
"It's so entertaining because it's FUCKING INSANE." - Moe

Should I watch it?
Yes, but I'd start with Double Down first.

Where can I find it?
Here on YouTube.

I Am Here gets...