Tintorera: Killer Shark (1977)

Two guys compete for the love of women instead of doing anything with sharks.
Starring: Hugo Stiglitz, Andres Garcia, Fiona Lewis, Susan George

Link to IMDB

We are introduced to two men; one is Miguel, busy schmoozing with the ladies on the Mexican beaches, and the other is Steven, planning a vacation to those same sandy shores. The beach patrons are a bit nervous lately because a large tiger shark has been seen in the area, but Steven just happens to enjoy hunting sharks so he's not concerned. Besides, there's plenty of sexy babes to entertain him instead... That is if Miguel doesn't get to them first, because Miguel's a real lady-hog.
Oh god... I can't explain this movie!
This thing is over two hours long, and there's plenty of completely pointless scenes to sit through!

Miguel,  Gabrielle,  Steven

Okay, so Steven and Miguel form a rivalry over who can win the heart of the sexy Patricia, so prepare yourself for many scenes of them taking turns getting romantic with her... *sigh* Where's the goddamn shark!?
It takes forever until the shark appears, but it chomps Patricia in half! Miguel and Steven begin to bond now, but not over the death of Patricia (she is quickly forgotten,) instead they realize that by working together instead of against each other they could party with twice as many girls. They party. They go fishing. They party some more. No killer sharks and no plot... Just margaritas, speedos and elevator muzak. My brain is melting.

Most of the movie is this

Finally, we get back to something resembling a story when the guys meet Gabrielle, and they are both completely taken with her. She proposes the idea that they share her and that no jealousy is allowed, and they both happily agree. Forget all about shark action, instead we get a full blown romance between these three, and it incomprehensibly drags on and on and on... The movie eventually states "One month later" and it feels like I watched it pass in real time.
Steven and Miguel remember something abut a killer shark, so they decide it's finally time to go hunting for it. I'll admit the story tries to get more interesting near the end, as tragedy and complications are introduced, but by then my brain was numb from all the dreadful boredom.

Steven: "What do you think of all this?"

Gabrielle: "I'm not thinking."

Patricia

There are no subtitles for the Spanish parts, but it's not really a problem because the conversations in English don't make much sense either. I was actually enjoying myself for awhile, because the haphazard filmmaking filled me with a hopeful anticipation of seeing these fools dealing with a killer shark. Too bad that idea is never fully realized.
I've enjoyed a lot of pointless trash in my time, but this movie just repeatedly drowns you in painfully dull scenes of people gazing at each other, and even the few exciting moments just left me feeling rather depressed and weary.


In my notes I underlined the phrase "Idiots near water" and that pretty much sums up the movie.

Be sure not to miss:
- I think Miguel and Steven start falling in love with each other. That's one thing that subtitles might have helped clear up.
- Apparently, all of the fish killings are real. I realize some of it might have been legal fishing, but the unnecessary animal cruelty is just another reason to avoid this.

Internet review:
"Something is really wrong with 'Tintorera.' " - Gibron

Should I watch it?
No, unless you like Mexican soap operas from the 70s.

Where can I find it?
YouTube playlist starts here.

Tintorera gets...