Gums (1976)

"Thar she blows." - Repeated line

A horny mermaid terrorizes a beach community.
Starring: Terri Hall, Brother Theodore, Robert Kerman, Zack Norman

Link to IMDB

What better way to end a month of sharks than with a disgusting sex parody of Jaws? (There definitely could have been a better way.)

Sheriff Rooster Coxswain has a crisis on his hands, a crisis of men disappearing with their penises later washing ashore onto the local beach. Putting the clues together, he realizes there must be a sex crazed mermaid in the water, literally sucking-off men's penises until they die! Sheriff explains this to the mayor, and he reluctantly agrees to close the beaches. With no idea what to do next, Sheriff calls an old friend, Dr. Smegma, who is an oceanic expert as well as a "sexpert," in hopes of getting help with stopping the mermaid.
The mayor holds a town meeting and offers a reward for anyone that can catch the mermaid alive. A boisterously insane Nazi, Captain Clitoris, declares that he will kill the "she-devil" and save the town.

The movie is only an hour long, but it contains more sexploitation and unrestrained insanity than most feature lengths could ever hope for. It's trying to be a full on comedy, but none of the jokes even remotely work. That's not to say there are no laughs, but the humour comes from the bedlam of the script and the hyperbolic performances.
After a few interludes of naughty shenanigans designed to shock or disturb any decent people in the audience, we get back to the story. Sheriff and Dr. Smegma head-out in their boat to find the mermaid, and eventually get help from Capt. Clitoris as well. It's all chaos and boners.
Near the end, the entire cast except for the mermaid are replaced with little deformed puppets with big penises, who then act out the last few scenes as they make their final attempt to capture the nympho mermaid.
That seriously happens.

"Absolutely disgusting." - Capt. Clitoris

The fact that people made this is bizarre enough, but watching it makes you feel like a voyeur peering into the twisted fantasies of a madman. Thankfully, the X-rated acts are brief and limited to oral sex (and a blow-up doll gets violated,) but they are portrayed as being silly instead of arousing.
As far as 70s spoofs go, Gums actually isn't a total failure, but it's so shamelessly demented that I spent half the movie thinking "This is so wrong." People that are easily offended will be weeping and/or calling the police by the halfway point, but if you've ever wanted to watch a Nazi whip a paper-maché vulture until it ejaculates, then this is the movie for you.

Be sure not to miss:
- The elusive 'Chickens of the Sea.'
- Some of the music is pretty far out, being the early work of Brad Fiedel.

Internet review:
"It's almost worth seeing just for all the things that are wrong with it." - BerryFrank

Should I watch it?
Fans of the truly bad need to see this trash once.

Where can I find it?
If you frequent garbage dumps enough, I'm sure you'll find it eventually.

Gums gets...