Magic Crystal (1986)

"If you cooperate, you get some ice cream. If not, you go to Siberia." - Karov

A kid befriends an alien rock, but all the bad guys are trying to get it.
Starring: Andy Lau, Siu Ban-ban, Richard Norton, Jin Wong, and Cynthia Rothrock

Link to IMDB

Andy Lau is a soldier for hire, and his next job is to go to Greece and help his friend who claims to have found an important artifact of some sort. Along for the trip are Andy's brother, Pancho, and his young nephew, Pin Pin. Arriving in Greece, Andy is attacked by KGB agents that also want the artifact, but with help from two Interpol agents (one of whom is Cynthia Rothrock,) Andy and the family are able to escape back to Hong Kong with the unusual artifact.

The artifact reveals itself to young Pin Pin as an extra terrestrial being that has been trapped on Earth for thousands of years! It's name is Jade, and it quickly becomes good friends with Pin Pin as they have fun playing magical hijinks on uncle Pancho.
Things gets weird!!!

Andy                                         Pancho                                     Cynthia                                    Karov

I didn't really know what type of movie this was going to be, but wow, it didn't take long to see it's one of those "everything-and-the-kitchen-sink" type of adventures. It's what would happen if E.T. and James Bond had a karate baby from Hong Kong... On drugs.

The main story revolves around an evil KGB mastermind named Karov trying to kill Andy and his family to get the alien artifact, and that aspect is handled like a violent spy movie with superb kung-fu action added to the mix. But much of the movie is also delivered like a kid's movie, with Pin Pin and Jade getting into goofy scenarios and casting magic spells on people for laughs.

Jade and Pin Pin

Since the movie bounces around a lot between different styles and tones, it gets quite haphazard and can be difficult to make sense of what is going on with the overall plot. That never stops it from being wildly entertaining, but the logic of the story gets lost when the focus shifts to the more silly aspects of Pin Pin and Jade's weird antics.

Lots of this !

As mentioned, the fighting is seriously epic here, with plenty of skilled athletes flying around kicking ass and pulling-off impressive stunts. Cynthia Rothrock is just a supporting character, but she does get a chance to really shine in a few fights.

Despite some of the comedy being too overbearing and ridiculous for anyone over the age of 10 to appreciate, I admit that I was still laughing a lot at some of the truly outrageous shit that Jade does.
If you're in the mood for one of the silliest kung-fu movies ever (or one of the most violent kid's movie ever,) Magic Crystal will blow your mind.

Be sure not to miss:
- Pancho's pool glasses.
- Ice bullets.
- "I have the power!"
- Jade's feet. Jade's tongue... Anything Jade related.

Internet review:
"Weird and entertaining, with a sufficiently absurd E.T. knockoff for filler." - PP900

Should I watch it?
Recommended (but it's bonkers.)

Where can I find it?
Here on YouTube.

Magic Crystal gets...