Rescue Force (1990)

"We've got some world class problems." - Steel

A team of soldiers get off the phone long enough to bring down some terrorists.
Starring: Kelly Bowen, Cynthia Thompson, Richard Harrison, and Bo Gritz!

Link to IMDB

A group of terrorists have been busy in Syria, bombing American bases and taking hostages. An expert team of soldiers are needed to stop them, so Colonel Steel (Bo Gritz) tracks down some of his best agents from around the globe: namely Angel, Striker, Kiki, and Bandana. There's about 67 scenes of people talking on the telephone as the team is informed of their mission, and the bad guys are also scheming with their own contacts.

A small sample of the telephoning.

There's finally some action when the terrorists ambush American soldiers, and they have a clumsy gunfight in the desert with bombs exploding all around them. Lots of bombs. Lots of dirt. This attack confirms that someone in the agency has been leaking top-secret information to the terrorists!
The stakes are raised even higher when the terrorists kidnap an American ambassador and his daughter... Gee, maybe this team of experts should hurry-up and get to Syria.

Not much is happening, but I was still having fun. The acting is hilariously awful and the editing is sloppy enough to keep you guessing about what the story is trying to do. There's lots of characters coming and going, and it's a bit confusing because everyone looks the same (or everyone is equally out of focus,) but thankfully there are captions to explain some of the scenarios, like "Next day, terrorist and son." You can pretend you're watching Law & Order.
It's really awkward. I'm not even sure if some of the supporting cast realized they were making a movie.

"Get the cheeks of your fanny moving or I'll order you up a hot fudge enema!" - Steel

Shouldn't we all be on the phone ?

Halfway through and the team finally gets together in the same room. Colonel Steel explains how and where they will be striking back at the terrorists, providing guns and vehicles for the desert assault. The climactic battle gets incredibly annoying! Somehow, all the explosions and babes shooting bazookas kills the fun. It goes on forever, it's confusing, obnoxiously loud, and I can't tell who anyone is. It's just 20 minutes of dirt exploding upwards while people run around. By this point, the editing was just thrown out the window.

It's a mess, but there's enough here to entertain me. A nice reminder of why I like truly terrible movies, even when they are a bit painful.

Be sure not to miss:
- Striker has a shrine to Charles Bronson in his house.
- Apparently, Don S. Davis is in there somewhere but I never saw him.
- Maybe more movies should end with a relaxing group bubble bath?

Internet review:
"Rescue Force only barely fits the definition of what a movie is." - Brett

Should I watch it?
Fans of garbage should embrace it, otherwise, run the opposite direction.

Where can I find it?
Here on YouTube. (This version has the best picture.)

Rescue Force gets...