With Friends Like These... (1991)

"We all seem to thrash in the same general direction." - Narrator

Three short stories about really weird friendships... Luckily, very short.
Starring: A bunch of people that were in this one movie and never seen again.

Link to IMDB

A narrator opens the movie by talking about how crazy modern relationships are, using metaphors about how life is like riding a city bus or something... I'm already confused! I guess it's trying to capture a Twilight Zone feel, but it's mostly just nonsense.

Way better than taking the metaphorical bus.

The story about the goddamn talking car...

Alex's old car is beyond repair and he daydreams about getting a new one that will be reliable, so he borrows some money from his girlfriend and checks out the used car salesman. One of the cars on the lot starts talking to Alex in a voice only he can hear! The car promises to fulfill all his dreams, so Alex buys it even though it's a bit too expensive.
The car is a big snob and doesn't like Alex's girlfriend, Kathleen, and it convinces him to get rid of her. It seems no matter what Alex does, the car gets angry or jealous, and it keeps trying to control every moment of his life. Surely the car has a motive besides just wanting to drive fast and turn Alex into a jerk, but what could the goal be?

"Oh god, I'm having an acid flashback!" - Frank

Garbage resolution.

The story about the goddamn garbage monster...

Next we meet Frank, who is the king of slobs. His apartment is so nasty that a life form has started growing in his fridge. It's a talking pile of garbage that was brought to life from Frank's DNA! His name is Junior, and he seems like a pretty nice guy. They start to become friends, and Frank even saves his life when the fridge loses power one day. The landlord starts to suspect something is going on and creeps around looking for the source of the stench.
When a girl that Frank likes gets involved, we begin to see that Junior has a bit of a dark side to him. Are one of these slobs going to get evicted, or are they stuck with each other for life?



The story about the goddamn something...

Susan is lonely and decides to try a computer dating service to find the man of her dreams. Pretty soon she has a date with a total hunk named Chris, and they have a great time. She truly found the perfect guy! We see some weird behaviour from Chris, and it seems like he might be a little too perfect. Actually, it seems like he could be a robot!
Holy sweet buttery Jesus!! The acting here is some of the worst I have ever seen! Ever!! 

There are some genuine laughs along the way because very little makes any sense, and that gets pretty damn entertaining. Each story is obviously using metaphors to reflect the main character, but it's so sloppy that it makes more sense when viewed as utter chaos. The music's usually weird, too, always sounding like elevator muzak wrapped in old underwear. The stories fly by pretty quick, so at least the pain is brief.

The narrator wraps it all up with more nonsensical drivel, basically telling us that life sucks and we should all give up. Bravo.

Be sure not to miss:
- Apparently Pauline smelled worse than Junior.
- Polishing that wrench.
- Of all the things to fuck up, he chose the pizza. Come on, Chris!

Internet review:
"It makes any of Hulk Hogan's movies look like 'The Godfather' movie." - Yhero

Should I watch it?
Well, obviously! It needs to be seen to be believed, especially the second story.

Where can I find it?
YouTube playlist.

Friends Like These gets...