A Polish Vampire in Burbank (1985)

"Is that Polish?"  - repeated line

A somewhat reluctant teen vampire is learning all about love and killing, but mostly love.
Starring: Mark Pirro, Lori Sutton, Bobbi Dorsch

Link to IMDB

Dupah is a young vampire living in his dad's basement, being lazy and disinterested in learning how to bite and kill victims for their blood. His dad's had enough of this teenage behaviour, and decides it's time Dupah learns what being an adult vampire is all about.  He doesn't want Dupah to become an outcast like his brother, Sphincter, who mysteriously vanished years ago.
Dupah reluctantly heads out with his older sister to learn how to hunt, but when he meets the beautiful Delores who has a passion for vampire movies, he begins to fall in love with her.

A visit from Sphincter

You'll quickly see that this is a full on comedy that rarely slows down for a serious moment. Some of the physical jokes fail (like the toilet brush used as a toothbrush,) but for the most part it's full of snappy dialog and crazy situations that had me laughing.
Dupah's long lost brother soon returns, and despite being reduced to only a skeleton now, Sphincter's got lots of advice to offer on how to woo Delores and have a good time. It's never really explained if people can see this skeleton running around, or if he looks normal because he has clothes on... Whatever, it's all good fun.

"Vampires are neat people, huh?"  - Dupah

The movie may be completely nuts, but it's not insulting. There's even a few homages to the classic Hammer Horror films of the 1960's, including a rather beautiful dream sequence directly influenced by Dracula. Not to mention the obvious references to An American Werewolf in London through out.
I got a lot of laughs here, and it's easy to see why it has become a cult hit. This is something I'll gladly be re-watching every few years.

There's an interesting Behind the Scenes feature that's worth watching afterwards.

Be sure not to miss:
- The cat that can scat!
- The Queerwolf comes across a bit too tasteless here, but Pirro later made an entire movie on the character.
- Judo for Jesus
- I think there might be more fog here than in Monster Dog
- Rats enough!

Internet review:
"This is the campiest, the cultiest, the all-around best horror spoof of all time."  - Pinson

Should I watch it?
Yes!

Where can I find it?
This video worked best for me, and seems to be a few others out there too.

A Polish Vampire gets...