My Uncle, The Alien (1996)

"I'm tired of you, I'm tired of being kidnapped, and I'm tired of your stupid uncle!" - Zig

The President's daughter uses her extraterrestrial influence to spare the fate of a children's shelter. But what about the fate of the audience!?
Starring: Haley Foster, Josh Paddock, some dumb alien

Link to IMDB

Being kidnapped is boring

Kelly is the young daughter of the President, and she's helping raise awareness for a group of orphans (which I affectionately called the Crumb Crew,) but when their shelter loses funding Kelly needs to find a way to keep the Crumbs from becoming homeless.
The first 60 seconds of the movie had already established that Kelly has some sort of mystical other-worldly "Uncle" at the Whitehouse, but you might as well forget all about that. We don't see any alien action for a long time!
Instead, Kelly and the Crumb Crew try to contact a Senator for assistance, but she just ends up getting herself kidnapped by some idiotic jokers named Ratt and Skeeter.

Kelly also meets Zig, who is a young boy living on the streets with no belongings except a pair of roller blades. He's the only witness to Kelly's kidnapping, so he feels responsible to rescue her but ends up getting kidnapped too. By this time I was yelling, "Where's the alien!? Why doesn't the alien help!? Why do I watch such terrible movies!?"

"I'm sort of a Santa."  - Uncle

Despite the occasional random laser blast, Uncle doesn't decide to help until the end of the movie. He then delivers some bullshit inspirational advice and takes off. Really? That's all we get?
To be fair though, everyone involved here was honestly trying to make a good movie about growing up. Young kids in the 90's might have actually liked this for some laughs, but it's unfortunate that Uncle is largely ignored when he's clearly the main draw of the movie.

The Crumb Crew

Be sure not to miss:
- Superman and Star Trek exhibits? This museum is pretty cool.
- "You toilet-bagging, four wheeled, running-over-everyones-foot pudding headed dwarf!"

Internet review:
"I...uh.....I...uh....what is this?" - RobinsTaste

Should I watch it?
When your inner 10 year old needs attention, or you're a drunk idiot like me looking for garbage.

Where can I find it?
Besides the bargain bin at a dollar store, it's also on YouTube

My Uncle the Alien gets...