Satan's Black Wedding (1975)

"It has to be the work of a madman." - Mark

A man discovers his sister has a crush on Satan.
Starring: Greg Braddock, Lisa Milano, Ray Myles

Link to IMDB

Mark

When Mark gets the news of his estranged sister Nina's suicide, he travels out of town to arrange for her funeral. It seems there's some mystery surrounding her death, since her body was completely drained of blood and the police detectives think she was murdered.
Mark visits his aunt and she explains how Nina was acting strange in the last few weeks of her life, and had become obsessed with a spooky old church that has a history of Satanic cult activities.
Sure enough, some weirdo stuff is definitely going on. Nina's body is being kept by a creepy priest, Father Daken, who has plans to convert her into a vampire so she can do Satan's bidding. Nina's first task will be to kill her entire family!
That all happens in the first 10 minutes!


Mark tries to piece together the mystery of Nina's descent into madness that led to her death, and he goes to investigate the old church that she was visiting. Meanwhile, vampire Nina lurks around in the darkness, killing a few people and just being a ghoul in general. Sometimes nothing happens. Mark stares at the sea. Mark stares at his girlfriend. Mark and his girlfriend stare at each other. Many scenes also take place in complete darkness, so who knows what's going on then, I can't even hear anything over the piano music clanging!
There is some suspenseful atmosphere being built, with Father Daken being a total creep and Nina getting closer to Mark as she haunts him every night.

"This thing confuses me." - Detective Scott

Father Daken

Nina

Despite the small plot wandering around aimlessly (in the dark of course) it's only an hour long, so it goes by pretty quick. The violence is cheap and sloppy, which actually makes it look rather macabre. The movie is borderline awful at times, and yet somehow it actually works way better than it should! Maybe it's the wobbly piano music or the hilariously wooden acting, but there's something oddly compelling here. There are glimpses of twisted originality and the ending is pretty bold, but it's just too awkward to really become the gothic mystery it wants to be.

In the dark, no one can see that we can't act

Be sure not to miss:
- Probably the dumbest vampire teeth I've ever seen.
- Mark states "I am an actor" at one point, which constantly ran through my head every time he displayed his lack of acting skills.
- Rats enough!

Internet review:
"The weirdest 60-minutes I've laid eyes on in a while." - Undertaker

Should I watch it?
It's far from terrible, but it's not a must see.

Where can I find it?
Here on YouTube.

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