To Catch a Yeti (1995)

Mom: "How do you know it's a boy?"
Amy: "I checked."

A family tries to save a friendly yeti from a hunter.
Starring: Meat Loaf, Chantellese Kent, Richard Howland, Jim Gordon, Leigh Lewis

Link to IMDB

A kid movie about Meat Loaf chasing a yeti? Yes, dreams can come true.

The yeti

25 seconds into the movie and I'm already confused!
A weird song is explaining the myth of the yeti, while a sloppy guy is daydreaming about doughnuts... What sort-of phantasmagoria is this!? The singer continues to belch out words while Meat Loaf appears, looking more like a yeti than anything else in the movie does!
Weirdest intro ever, but I was in the zone.
Big Jake Grizzly is a professional hunter, tracking the mythical yeti in the mountains with his goofy sidekick, Blubber. Turns out that yetis aren't giants at all, but are actually incredibly awkward puppets that stand only 3 feet tall. This yeti is a crafty little guy, so he hides from Grizzly by sneaking into the backpack of a camper named Dave Bristow, who promptly jumps on his plane returning to New York. The Bristow family are in for a surprise when Dave gets home and discovers he has mistakenly brought along a furry stowaway!

Not the yeti

Actually, the Bristows seem pretty nonchalant about having a yeti in their house, and the daughter, Amy, quickly bonds with the creature and names him Hank... Hank? Really? There are typical antics around the house, as the family learns how to live with a wild yeti. Hank sleeps in the fridge, because the movie doesn't give a shit about logic!
Grizzly's boss is a rich snob, and he demands that the yeti be captured for his rotten son Wesley. The entire movie then becomes one big chase, as Amy and Hank flee through New York city with Grizzly and Blubber one step behind them. It's a pretty clumsy adventure, with slapstick characters struggling to provide family entertainment. The chase eventually ends with a demented showdown at the Bristow's vacation cabin in the country.
Grizzly takes Amy's parents hostage, and bloodthirsty Wesley tags along with his shotgun. Things just keep getting weirder and more unbelievable, but I had decided to stop questioning it and just let the movie hit me with whatever it wanted.

The Bristows

The best part of the movie is definitely Meat Loaf. He really hams it up as the villain, but still maintains a certain bad-ass presence that is fun to watch. The yeti might look cute enough, but his face is frozen in that one expression of complete terror. Pretty much all the puppet can do is sit, grunt and blink. But they do find a way to make it skateboard and ski, because it's 1995 and extreme sports are mandatory!
There's a strange, dark undercurrent to many scenes, usually created by the numerous threats of violence that Grizzly is continuously saying. Out of context, a lot of the dialog and situations would fit into a much more terrifying movie. The characters probably learn a lesson somewhere along the way, but I just wanted to see Hank find his place in the world before my brain melted.

To Catch a Yeti is incredibly misconceived and awkward, but has enough demented charm writhing under the family-friendly surface to keep it intriguing. It's gained some notoriety at cult film festivals, and deservedly so, because it is authentic trash.

Be sure not to miss:
- The yeti has really clumsy animatronics. Here's a video of him waving his wonky arm... for one hour!
- Are those pine cones or poop? You decide.
- Wesley's parents never return from their vacation.
- Who knew that watching Meat Loaf abuse kids would be so fun?

Internet review:
"Thanks for the nightmares, movie." - Chad

Should I watch it?
It's bizarre enough that it needs to be seen.

Where can I find it?
Here on YouTube.

To Catch a Yeti gets... an extra half just for Meat Loaf.