Future War (1997)

Sister Ann: "Who are you?"

Runaway: "A tool."

A man from the future tries to save Earth from some wonky-ass dinosaurs and cyborgs.
Starring: Daniel Bernhardt, Travis Brooks Stewart, Ray Adash, and Robert Z'Dar

Link to IMDB

Cyborgs from the distant future have been traveling through time to capture dinosaurs and humans to use as slaves on their spaceships. (Yeah, that sounds crazy and it's only the start.) But now, one man has escaped and he lands on Earth in the mid 1990s.

Runaway and Ann.
Flannel is life.

The escaped man is simply know as the Runaway, and it's not long before the cyborgs arrive to hunt him through the cardboard-box infested city with their dinosaurs. Am I actually seeing this happen!? Yes, I am, and it's breathtaking in its sloppiness!
After getting hurt, he ends up in the care of Sister Ann, an ex-prostitute that has recently become a nun. She cusses and smokes, but seems like an honest lady trying to get her life back in order. Runaway can't speak at first, but he and Ann begin a friendship as he quickly learns our language. The dinosaurs soon track him down, and Ann has no choice but to believe his crazy story and go on the run with him.
The cyborgs and dinos kill anyone that gets in their way, so this has the police investigating a string of savage killings in the streets. This leads to a confrontation between Runaway and the police, resulting in him being put in custody.


There are some weird religious themes thrown in for no reason except a lame attempt to be philosophical, and it just bogs the movie down in-between the action. Thankfully, the second half of the movie starts to make more sense and get more exciting, both in terms of action and amount of laughs. More cyborgs and dinos arrive, and Sister Ann decides she's going to need some help, so she asks her old gangster friends to help defend the neighbourhood against the threat from the future.
Runaway eventually escapes the police station to help Ann and her gang fight back, but how is anyone supposed to stop all these sloppy cyborgs and dinosaurs!?

"I need your help with monsters in the hood." - Sister Ann

Cyborg Z'Dar

Even thinking about some scenes makes me laugh, but it's not exactly a riveting story here. Most of the exposition is so clunky that you gotta turn your brain off to make any sense. The lack of budget is quite remarkable and becomes a defining characteristic of everything, although the dinosaurs actually look pretty good! Unfortunately, they also seem to be only small puppets, and are often just held near the camera to give the illusion of size.
Epic in scope but clumsy in presentation, it kept me entertained. Overall, the movie is a beautiful disaster that I'm very glad to have seen.


Be sure not to miss:
- Enough checkered flannel here to choke a horse dinosaur.
- They spared no expense on the cardboard box budget.
-  Robert Z'Dar probably just did this for the paycheck, but I thought he was going to be a main character. Instead he just portrays Cyborg #2.
- Did I mention the cardboard boxes?

Internet review:
"It looks like it has a budget of 3 dollars and you see every penny on screen." - Eoin

Should I watch it?
It's totally terrible, but hilarious. Highly recommended for the brave and/or drunk.

Where can I find it?
I used the vidzi link here.

Future War gets...somehow...